Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I deserve this hangover.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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