nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
