i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
