I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
