I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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