I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
