Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
