I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
