escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
