i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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