So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
