What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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