I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
