Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
