Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
