My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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