Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
