You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
