The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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