I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
