like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
