Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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