I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
