im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
