I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
