oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
