I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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