shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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