My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
