Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
