whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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