I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
