Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
