dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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