I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
