I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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