Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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