If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
