i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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