dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
