We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
