If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize