I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
