i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
