Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
