one might say we're banned from that church
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize