don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
