I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize