I just threw up on my dentist
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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