I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
