one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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