hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
