I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
