you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
