Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
