Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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