Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
