u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
