yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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