I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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