Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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