You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my shit smells like andre
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize