How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
