So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sext me about skeletons
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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