I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fill condoms, not promises.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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