I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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