Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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