I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
